To the Woman Who Just Wants to Be a Mom,
I know exactly how you feel.
I know how hard it is for you to see your friends having babies, how jealous you get when they fall pregnant every time they sneeze. I understand the pain that the upcoming holidays bring. The costume you don’t get to buy. The stocking you don’t get to hang.
I know you see baby clothes in every store and wonder if you’ll ever get to buy them. You see children’s books and think of how much you want someone to read them to.
I know how you feel when your friends talk about how exhausting and difficult motherhood is, and you think about how you would give anything to have a baby to keep you up all night.
I know how much you dread going to the doctor’s office. Another test, another ultrasound, another question with no answer.
I know how much you consider buying the pregnancy tests in bulk on Amazon but don’t because each month you’re hoping this will be the last time you need to buy one.
I know how you analyze every twinge and sensation in your body during the two-week wait. I know that every month you get your period and the weight of disappointment crushes you and you feel like you can’t breathe.
I know how the pain grips you from out of nowhere and you blink through the tears, just trying to get through traffic so you can cry in peace at home.
I know the heartache you feel when you introduce yourself to a new acquaintance and they ask you if you have children. You ignore the stabbing pain in your chest and say, “no” and hope that the quiver in your voice doesn’t give you away.
I know you don’t want to admit it, but you look at some women and wonder why they get to have children and you don’t. You ask God “why not me?”
I know that you thought this time last year that you would be pregnant by now. But the holidays, your birthday, your anniversary comes along and you can’t believe that you’re in the same place you were a year ago.
I know you read stories of women who have battled infertility for years or suffered tremendous loss and try to tell yourself that you don’t have it so bad. But the enormity of their suffering doesn’t make yours any less painful, it just makes you feel like you can’t talk about it.
I know you’re thinking about the baby you carried but never held. I know you remember the day you lost something you loved so much and how it feels so unbelievably cruel that no one realizes that today is the anniversary of the worst day of your life.
I know that you have scoured the internet for every word of advice and wisdom. I know that you are looking for anyone to share in your grief so that you don’t feel so desperately alone.
I’ve been there. I am there. You’re not alone.
He settles the childless woman in her homeas a happy mother of children.Praise the Lord.-Psalm 113:9